Goofy Crossover Parody Fan Fiction
by Scream Queen
Summary: Okay this story is just an excuse to crossover a bunch of my favorite shows. It's an X-Files/NewsRadio/Will & Grace/Spin City crossover with the plot from the movie Speed.


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Goofy Crossover Parody FanFiction

By [Kristie][1]   
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these fine characters, I just wanted to write a story with all of my favorite shows combined.   
  
**"Goofy Crossover Parody FanFiction"**  
  
New York City-1998   
A city bus drives up to a stop near the Criterion building.   
Dave Nelson, Lisa Miller, Matthew Brock, Jimmy James, Joe Garelli, Bill McNeal and Beth get on and sit down in the back.   
[Mr. James] 'See guys, I own this whole bus company now.'   
[Lisa] 'That's great sir, but why do we have to ride it to lunch? We all  
have our own cars.'   
[Mr. James] 'Because I want you guys to see how much better it is to ride the new Jimmy James Express than that old bus.'   
The bus pulls to stop near City Hall.   
Mayor Randall Winston, Mike Flaherty, Carter Heywood, Stuart Bondeck, Nikki Faber, Janelle Cooper, Paul Lassiter and James Hobert get on the bus.  
They're followed by a few reporters and photographers.   
[Mike] 'Mr. Mayor this is Robert Dutton, he has been driving a bus for 50 years.'   
[Nikki] (whispering) 'What are we doing here?'   
[Stuart] (also whispering) 'You're standard human interest crap. The press eats it up.'   
[Nikki] 'I know, but why did the entire staff have to come?'   
Stuart shrugs his shoulders.   
[Mayor Winston] 'Well congratulations on 50 years great public service Mr. Denton.'   
[Mike] 'Dutton.'   
[Mayor Winston] 'Mr. Dutton.'   
The mayor stands next to the driver, shaking his hand and smiling while the press takes pictures.   
[Bus Driver] 'Mr. Mayor, I would be honored if you would ride on my bus today.'   
[Mayor Winston] 'Well of course I will.'   
[Carter Heywood] 'Ya, it's not like we have any *actual work* to do.'   
Mr. James comes running up to the front of the bus and talks directly to the reporters.   
[Mr.James] 'Don't forget to mention that the mayor of this fine city will be riding on the new Jimmy James Express.'   
Mr. James smiles and gives a thumbs up.   
[Paul] 'Since we're invited guests I'm assuming we don't have to pay, right?'   
[Carter] 'Don't worry Paul, I'll cover you. I guess my grandma will just have to wait a little longer for that operation.'   
Everyone sits down and the bus starts driving again.   
Bill walks over and sits down behind the mayor.   
[Bill] 'Hello Mr. Mayor. I'm Bill McNeal, on-air anchor for WNYX Newsradio. You've probably heard of me.'   
[Mayor Winston] 'No, I'm sorry I haven't.'   
[Bill] 'Of course you have. Anyway I have a show called The Real Deal with Bill McNeal and we would love to have you on as a guest.'   
[Mayor Winston] 'Well Mr. McNeal I don't know...'   
The mayor looks at Mike who has been shaking his head no since he heard the name Bill McNeal.   
[Mayor Winston] 'I'm afraid my schedule is pretty tight right now, maybe some other time.' [Bill] 'Well we're willing to work around your schedule.'   
[Mike] 'Tell you what, we'll have our people call your people.'   
The bus pulls up to a stop near... near... umm, wherever the hell it is Will and Grace live.   
Will Truman and Grace Adler get on the bus.   
[Grace] 'Oh my God, Will, you have to try this. It's so unbelievably good.'   
[Will] 'Grace, I've had a dilly bar before.'   
[Grace] 'I know but this is like the greatest one I've ever tasted.'   
[Will] 'I hate riding the bus. Everyone's so strange.'   
[Grace] 'Speaking of strange people, why did you let Jack borrow your car?'   
[Will] 'I don't know, he insisted on borrowing it. He kept mumbling something about plot convenience. I didn't want to let him drive it, but I couldn't stop myself from giving him the keys. It was like someone else was controlling my actions. Grace... Grace?'   
[Grace] (staring out the window) 'Ya, that's nice.'   
Will turns to see what she's looking at as the bus pulls up to another stop.  
  
Agents Fox Mulder, Dana Scully and Assistant Director Walter Skinner get on the bus.   
[Skinner] 'I can't believe on one of the few cases I actually come with you two on, our car gets stolen.'   
[Mulder] 'It's as if the fates are conspiring against us.'   
[Scully] 'Well we're in a high crime area, the odds of our car being stolen were pretty high. I'm suprised someone didn't try to mug us.'   
As soon as Mulder sits down Grace runs over and sits down next to him. Then Nikki and Beth rush over and sit down in the seat behind him. Scully shoots them a dirty look as she sits down in the next seat with Skinner.   
[Grace] 'Hi, I'm Grace Adler.'   
[Mulder] 'Fox Mulder.'   
[Beth] 'Fox is right! Hello there, I'm Beth.'   
Beth practically climbs over the back of the seat to shake his hand.   
[NIkki] 'And I'm Nikki Faber. I'm single and desperate. Oops. I didn't mean to say that last part out loud.'   
Nikki slumps back in her seat and covers her face in embarassement.   
Scully's cell phone rings.   
[Scully] 'Scully.'   
[Me] 'Hello Agent Scully, I'm calling to inform you that there is a bomb on your bus.'   
[Scully] 'What?!'   
[Me] 'There's a bomb on your bus and if you go under 55 miles per hour it will go off.'   
Scully glances around the bus with an alarmed look on her face.   
[Me] 'Tell the driver and the other passengers.'   
[Scully] 'I don't want to start a panic.'   
I sigh.   
[Me] 'Fine, I guess I have to do everything.'   
I hang up and start talking, my voice booming through the bus so everyone can hear me.   
[Me] 'There is a bomb on this bus, if you go under 55 miles per hour you'll all be going home in pieces.'   
Everyone gasps in a dramatic fashion.   
[Stuart] 'Wow, is anyone else getting a weird sense of deja vu?'   
[Will] 'Aren't you just ripping off the movie Speed?'   
[Me] 'No, not exactly. The speed limit in the movie was 50, I made it 55.'   
[Dave] 'Oh well, now that's completely different.'   
[Bus Driver] '55?! I can't drive that fast, I'm a senior citizen!"'   
Bill jumps up and trades places with the driver.   
[Bill] 'Alright move it grandpa, I'll drive.'   
[Scully] 'Where's the bomb?'   
[Me] 'Duh, it's under the bus. Didn't you see the movie?'   
[Scully] 'No, I don't get to see alot of movies. Fighting a global conpiracy is pretty time consuming.'   
[Joe] 'Maybe I can climb under the bus and disarm the bomb.'   
[Bill] 'Ya, great plan Keanu. Do you even know how to disarm a bomb?'   
[Joe] 'Hey dude, you're no Sandra Bullock yourself. And no tecnically I don't know how, but I'm sure I can figure it out. How hard could it be?'   
[Me] 'If you try to stop the bomb I'll force a fate worse than death upon you all; A flashback episode! And I don't mean one with new footage, I'm talking about an episode wih old clips!'   
Everyone screams in horror.   
[Joe] 'Okay I won't touch it. Just please, anything but that!'   
[Mulder] 'Who are you?'   
[Me] 'I'm a shipper/fanfiction writer from the year 2001. I used my time machine to come back to the year 1998 to fix some wrongs that were never righted by your writers.'   
[Mulder] 'Where did you get a time machine?'   
[Me] 'Umm... aliens gave it to me.'   
[Mulder] 'I knew it!'   
[Matthew] (yelling) 'I can't die! I never even got to tell my cats goodbye!'   
[Mr.James] 'It's okay Matthew. You'll be alright.'   
Matthew jumps up from his seat.   
[Matthew] 'No, we are all gonna die on this bus!'   
[Bill] 'Shut up spaz!'   
Matthew stops and calmly sits down.   
[Matthew] 'You're right Bill, I should calm down. Thank you, that really helped. Now I feel kinda silly about that whole little outburst.'   
[Janelle] 'No, Matthew's right we're all gonna die here. I don't want to die!'   
Stuart grabs Janelle and holds her. He rubs her back as he talks.   
[Stuart] 'It's alright Janelle, calm down. Stuart's here, you're okay.'   
[Janelle] 'Thank you Stuart. Now get your hand off my ass.'   
Stuart removes his hand.   
[Stuart] 'Sorry.'   
[Skinner] 'What exactly do you want from us? What are your demands?'   
[Me] 'I want Mulder and Scully to finally admit their love to each other. I want Dave and Lisa to get back together again and I want Will to finally get a boyfriend.'   
[Mayor Winston] 'Wow, that's a pretty tall order.'   
[Skinner] 'Do you realize what your asking?! This could put hundreds of internet fanfiction writers out of business. They would have to get lives or at least find other shows to obsess over! Do you know what that would do to our ratings?!'   
[Me] 'Probably the same thing adding Doggett to the show did.'   
[Skinner] 'Who?'   
[Me] 'Never mind. Okay I'm willing to compromise. I'll stop the bomb if my above demands are met, or Mulder becomes my personal love slave.'   
Mulder looks thoughtful for a few seconds before turning to Scully.   
[Mulder] 'Scully, I love you.'   
[Scully] 'Oh Mulder, I love you too!'   
Mulder and Scully kiss passionately. The whole bus erupts in applause. Mulder stops and turns to everyone.   
[Mulder] 'Don't do that, it's so cheesy.'   
[James] 'Sorry, that's what they always do in the movies.'   
[Me] 'Okay Lisa now you and Dave have to get back together so you don't make a huge mistake and marry the evil Johnny Johnson.'   
[Lisa] 'Who?'   
[Me] 'Sorry I keep forgetting I'm from the future.'   
[Dave] 'Lisa I'm sorry I broke up with you because of that stupid effeciency expert. It was really a dumb reason to break up, I think the writers wanted to spice up the show but they couldn't come up with a valid reason for me to dump you. So what do you say, will you take me back? Remember a bus full of people's lives depend on us.'   
[Lisa] 'I forgive you and I'd take you back even if there wasn't a bomb that would kill us all if I said no.'   
Dave and Lisa kiss. The other passengers start applauding again.   
[Mulder] 'I warned you, I've got a gun you know.'   
Everyone stops mid-clap.   
[Me] 'Okay two down, one to go."'   
Will turns to Carter   
[Will] 'Carter, would you like to go to lunch with me?'   
[Carter] 'I'd love to, but I have to warn you I'm not completely over my last long term relationship.'   
[Will] 'Me too!'   
[Carter] 'And I live with Stuart, but he's just a roommate.'   
[Will] 'I live with Grace, we used to date but she helped me realize I was gay.'   
[Grace] 'Thanks for sharing that with everyone, Will.'   
[Me] 'Well it looks like me work here is done. I have made T.V land a much nicer place to live. Though I was really hoping for the love slave thing. Oh well, I've disarmed the bomb. You're all free to go now.'   
Bill stops the bus.   
[Scully] 'Mulder, let's go find a motel room so we can consumate our long burning desire.'   
[Mulder] 'Huh?'   
[Scully] 'Let's go do it.'   
Mulder picks up Scully and kisses her as they get off of the bus. Of course since he can't see where he's going, he immediately walks into a mailbox and they fall down.   
[Lisa] 'Come on Dave, we still have some of our lunch hour left. We can go  
break in your couch again.'   
Dave and Lisa hold hands as they get off of the bus, stepping over Mulder and Scully.   
[Carter] "'So Will, how does the opera sound tonight?'   
[Will] 'That sounds perfect, lets discuss it over lunch.'   
Carter and Will leave the bus together.   
[Grace] 'Great, Will just ditched me. Who am I gonna have lunch with now?'   
[Stuart] 'I'm free.'   
[Grace] 'I'll pass.'   
Nikki walks up to Grace laughing and puts her arm around Grace's shoulders.   
[Nikki] 'This could be the start of a beautiful friendship.'   
Everyone else leaves the bus and goes back to their respective shows.   
The End.   
(Or is it?)   
(Ya, I'm pretty sure it is.)   
  
If you like this go check out my other fanfic:   
[http://www.angelfire.com/id2/onthesubjectofme/FanFicition.html][2]   
  
Mulder-'So what if they had sex?'   
Scully-'So we know it wasn't aliens who probed her.'   
'The X-Files'   
  
Will-'Did I just scream like a woman?'   
Grace-'Don't flatter yourself, you scream like a girl.'   
'Will and Grace'   
  
Dave-'Is your own life so boring that you have to obsess over imaginary love  
triangles that your not even a part of?'   
Bill-'Yes!'   
'NewsRadio'   
  
Mayor Winston-'I want a posse.'   
Carter-'You do have a posse sir; Me, Stuart, James and Paul.   
Mayor Winston-'That's a pretty lame posse.'   
'Spin City'   
  
*Fun Fact* The actor, Alan Ruck, who portrays Stuart on Spin City was in the movie Speed.

[][3]

[][4]

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   [1]: mailto:palefriendlessvirgin@hotmail.com
   [2]: http://www.angelfire.com/id2/onthesubjectofme/FanFicition.html
   [3]: http://www.geocities.com/wgfanfiction/crossovers.html
   [4]: http://www.geocities.com/wgfanfiction/index.html



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